Fear

This started out as an overly frank list of the things that I was most afraid of. Now it is a bit on how much I dislike flowers (sometimes). The worst are those carnivorous flowers. Every time I see one, I want to look inside and see if it has managed to entrap a fly that is most likely partially decomposed by the time I stick my nose near the plant. This leads to odd behavior (in the eyes of others) as if I even get so far as to stick my nose near the plant to satiate my curiosity I soon and inevitably hop backwards, fearing for the safety of my nose. Other times I fear non-carnivorous plants, like lilies. They smell too strong and since I was a child I always imagined their rancid exhalations filling up my living room until finally every member of my family quickly and silently dropped dead. But then again, there were a lot of events, imagined by myself, that would lead to the death of mom, dad, and brother (cat wasn’t yet part of the family and mom still was). Lilies are toxic (whether they’re ingested or not—it doesn’t matter). Even if to eat one were the only way to die I would probably find myself shoving the dewy petals past my teeth, the same feeling in my chest I experience as when I don’t trust myself around guard rails that aren’t quite high enough.